Happy Festivis

Each year that goes by, feels less and less like Christmas to me. Especially when I'm not back at home. Technically I'm at home now as I type this, but not my warm holiday home at my Mom's, or my other family members. Like the whole xmas eve tradition we've been doing for years and years even before I was born, apparently. Someone would dress up as Santa and knock at the door (sorry they didn't fit in the chimney) hand out little wrapped gifts for all who was invited. Us kids seriously thought that Santa only came to our place on Christmas Eve! We had the old shaggy santa suit for years, maybe decades lol. Finally my uncle bought a new one a few years back. So the Santa from the 60's doesn't visit anymore. We'd play music, not the radio or CD's but the guitars would be played by our fathers and uncles, us kids would be dancing and singing. Actually I was alittle too shy to dance from what I remember, hard to beilieve huh? Goodies would be shared in between singing and laughter. The older we got the more we'd reminise about the years past. I still get to do this every other year or so, but still it isn't the same. I don't get too hear the same special person playing the guitar and singing songs he wrote. And no longer do we dance around dressed up as fairy queens or believe in Santa.

So what do I do know on Christmas eve if I'm not at "home". I work, for no extra pay, I wipe asses, clean up human shit - mainly diarrhea (yeah grrrrrreat huh?), push pills on people, listen to co workers bitch about how much they hate their family, and how they weren't invited over for Christmas. Mean while I think to myself "I wish my family lived on the same piece of land as I do" "I only wish I could leave straight from work to go to my family & friends holiday gathering" "You lucky bastard be thankfull you can do this! And finally SHUT UP! It's Christmas!" Clean up some more shit, bathe a body or two. Sure I'm helping people, but that doesn't make me feel any better. It just doesn't feel like christmas. It makes me feel grown up and I don't like to feel this way IT SUCKS! I don't wanna grow up I'm a toys R Us kid.... la la la la... I am getting giddy like alittle kid though, because some of my family are coming over on boxing day. Tonight Mike and I snuggled on the couch with the cats, took some pics cuz they're just so darn cute, opened our stockings and gifts because we both work tomorrow (yes on xmas friggin day! more shit to clean up!) Well I also begged like a spoiled child til he let me open my stocking! lol But I got my way, didn't I? Do my nostrils look big in that pic??? Hopefully it's just the angel.

Ok I feel better now, thanks for listening to me bitch about the holiday season :-)
Tanya
Happy Festivis! (sp? lol)